You Must Rescue Yourself

“No one is coming to rescue you… your inner demons, your lack of confidence, your dissatisfaction with yourself and life. Only self-love and good decisions will rescue you.” - Jennifer Young

Rescue fantasies make up the story line of almost every chick flick. It’s a comforting idea and we all dabble in these dreams. We win the lotto, find the perfect mate who helps us blossom or get a hyperactive thyroid that strips away 15 effortless pounds.

But this nonsense belongs in movie theaters only and cannot take permanent residence in your head. Rescue fantasies rob you of your power and you must take it back. They make you a victim. Being a victim pays off because it let’s you be righteous, gain attention and wait around for magic and change.

Here in the real world, however, you make the magic and waiting is just procrastinating. Self respect and personal agency are the only things that will rescue your life. Unfortunately, this also means you must adult, which means fixing your own problems and working for the things you want.  

Here’s 4 ways to get honest with yourself, so you can reclaim and redeem your own life ASAP.

Stop Blaming Yourself and Others - A huge part of not being a victim is about putting an end to blaming. Marcus Aurelius once said, “Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears.” We often think of the victim mindset as the blaming others -- they blame their parents, boss, the economy, politics, etc. But we often become victims when we blame ourselves and give our flaws too much power.

“Here I go again, I always…” Stop. You don’t always. You don’t have to “always.” Get self compassion and then embrace personal agency. Just do it differently one time, whatever it is, and see what comes.

Let Go of Bitterness - Forgive but don’t forget. People wronged you. You were misled. You made poor choices or others made them for you. It can be a terrible world. Forgiveness isn’t a get-out-of-jail-free pass for injustice for the wrongdoers as you may fear. But it does get you out of victim jail. You get to move on when you let go. You’re not tethering those who wronged you to accountability by staying angry. You’re tethering yourself to the wrongdoing of the world.  

Become a Survivor and Advocate - Help others to get outside yourself. Write your own redemption story. This is key especially if you feel alone. While you are the only one who can change your life, that doesn’t mean you must exist as some kind of lone warrior and wolf. Go out and help others and accept help. Just remember that no one can take action for you.

Challenge Yourself - Courage is not comfy. Acting through personal agency towards positive change requires skills your parents hopefully taught you. Things like impulse control, a willingness to be uncomfortable, and the gumption to do occasionally boring and unpleasant things. If your parents failed at this, then it’s time to parent yourself. You don’t have to turn to self loathing or blame to motivate. That’s been proven a poor choice. Just work one step at a time toward a more disciplined life and create lasting change.




Rocky Lewis
Rocky Lewis

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7 Comments

Lorraine Head
Lorraine Head

November 28, 2017

Quite simply, thank you! The timing of your essay coming to me, via my daughter, is pure serendipity!

Nean Clements
Nean Clements

November 04, 2017

Thanks for the reminder

Andrea
Andrea

November 04, 2017

Dear Rocky, I have received this article from a dear friend of mine, and I must say it resonates so much. Thank you for the clarity of your message! A great day to you! Andrea

Nicole Howard
Nicole Howard

November 03, 2017

Your title caught my attention after arguing with my boyfriend. I have been trying to figure out how I’m going to live on my own with my three children. I often get angry at my sister’s for not listening to me when I tell them all the horrible things that he does. But then as I continue to read the entire article, I was shocked and began to giggle because after arguing with him I came upstairs to work on my shadow integration and self-discipline is my topic. Thank you so much I needed this.

Angie Stevenson
Angie Stevenson

November 03, 2017

Great message that everyone needs to follow.

Kim Hardy
Kim Hardy

November 03, 2017

I just love you guys!!!!!

JENNIFER SCHWARTZ
JENNIFER SCHWARTZ

November 03, 2017

Thank you for the message today! It was a great reminder that I am doing the right thing!!❤

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